My Heart Speaks Loud: Transition

My Heart Speaks Loud: Transition: "Definition of TRANSITION1a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : changeb : a mo..."

Transition

Definition of TRANSITION

1

a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : changeb : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

2

a : a musical modulationb : a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another

3

: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

The word transition keeps coming up in my life. What I have realized is life is one big transition to another. Duh! Right? Some mando way whoppin' huge, and some so minuscule I don't even know I transitioned until moments after it happened, which usually are the most meaningful. My mother made her last transition on December 28th. Each day since I transition every minute and I am conscious of each one. I feel them with every cell in my body. I called my mom like 50 times a week to ask questions. She knew everything about everything. She meant so much to me. I still pick up the phone to ask her how to make something, or tell her about my day, or about a guy I am dating, or about my friend who is fighting with her boyfriend. She was the person I told when someone told me not to tell anyone. I could tell my mom though cause she didn't know them and she would never repeat it anyway. Now, I actually have to look for answers myself. I have older siblings & my father, they are simply not my mother though. I realize now I get to mother myself. Wow! What a huge transition. I am my own matriarch. I am 32 and I have been handed the baton from my mom. She asked me a few weeks before she transitioned if I could take care of myself, my dad, & our whole family...if I could help them through if she "dies". She asked me if I was ready. She told me she knew that the things I had been through in life were preparing me for even bigger things. I told her I was at peace with her choice & I couldn't say if I was ready. I just know God only gives me what I am ready for, so when called I could step up when needed. Being here while my mother was going through her illness and watching the toll it took on my dad was painful. It was much easier being in Austin away from it and just calling once a day. My mom was awesome at sounding well. I learned life is short and my choices are very important. There is nothing in life that I have control of. I make my choices and with them comes transition. My mom passing taught me transitions can be hard or they can be easy. I choose ease...with a dash of grace. Thank you mom for teaching me still today, even though I cannot see you I can for sure feel you. You taught me poise & the power of silence. You taught me strength & love. You taught me to move forward in my courage & faith. I am aware of my love for you everyday. Thank you for blessing me with so many gifts. Thank you mostly for teaching me about transition and about just allowing it to happen.

Frustration/Authority

Ugh! Frustration has been rearing it's ugly head in my life over & over again lately. Frustration in my life & in the lives of the people who surround me the most. I realize it's time to take authority over it. I have been on the fence about creating classes, workshops, my website, blah. blah. blah. I haven't done it because I will be exposing myself big time. I haven't done it because a tinsy winsy amount of fear. Silly! So I expose myself?

My Planet can learn from my story. My story is worth telling. I made my choice to resurrect my life. I choose to follow through and step forward. I get frustrated because my old story is I have no creativity. I start to get all these great ideas & I choose for getting them on to paper & into fruition to be easy. To get them out requires allowing myself to be seen as my pure, genuine, authentic self, which is huge! How many people walk around daily being their true self is what goes through my mind. Do you? Or do you walk around being the person you think other people desire you to be? That is what I use to do. My highest choice to expose my higher self to my planet. I bathe in the Light of God. I have found since I have been who I really am I have deep connections with my friends, and fewer of them. I can just be me & it's easy. It's odd to me as I started shining my light & expressing my heart I had friends just start staying away. I get some people are not ready. I am completely attracted to people who express their hearts & are ready to move forward. When people are mechanical & just got through the motions of life I am repelled. I feel people's energies. If I stay in an icky energy field I feel icky. I bless the darkness. I bless all my friends & family with their heart's desires. I guess darkness does repel light because when light exists darkness cannot.

Now, I get to take the next step & do it in front of groups who really know nothing about me, except they are intrigued by my presence & classes and/or to have me as their coach. As I type this, what comes up is I deserve love & I am seen. Two very powerful decrees. I woke up this morning asking myself & God questions. My answer was to Blog. I had no idea about what and I just started writing...creating ideas with my words. Thank you God! Thank you Ascended Hosts! I know this Blog is a little random & one thing I teach people is our heart's don't make sense. I have my answers. I serve faith, courage, & trust. I am creative & my creativity flows through me. I am supplied through my God. I am grateful for my life & I teach my life to others. I am step out onto the front lines to teach & help my planet expose their true, authentic selves. My creativity flows with ease & grace.

Femininity

It has been brought to my attention I am not very feminine. I wear make-up, dresses, and skirts. I invest a lot time & money on my hair. I love shoes, shopping, jewelry, & purses. All this is what makes a female, right? Nope. I am very feminine on the outer & very masculine on the inner.  I have been feeling really deep about having my divine partner. I realize I get to be my own divine partner before I meet him in the physical, not actually be him. I realize I do for myself what I choose to receive through my man. I have woken up to something huge for me. I am independent, strong, dominate, & opinionated. There is nothing right or wrong with these qualities, unless I am using them to protect myself from being hurt. In the past, I have had the mentality that men wanted woman more like themselves & their friends. Someone to go to watch sports with, drink beer with, talk dirty with...I became that girl. I changed myself because I thought if I acted like a dude, more dudes would like me. Typing this out I feel how ridiculous this is. If men wanted to date women who act like dudes they would date their friends. True? I have been doing this for about 10 years now. I have had failed relationship after failed relationship. Males choose to partner with females. Females that act like females. Males like to protect females & be strong for females. It's innate in them. I'm not saying I can't be strong because I need to let a man do it for me. I am saying men & women complement each other. Sometimes it's ok to let them take care of me. It's ok for me to let my guard down & let him love me. I realize I get to let my feminine & masculine co-exist in my heart & in my life. I allow my feminine, more vulnerable, side to shine. I will keep you posted on  what happens next and I already feel my divine partner.

Light on our Planet

I realized today I have been fearful to shine my light since I was about 4. At 4 years old! Do you know what I mean by shine my light? I mean I dimmed my presence, so people (my family) couldn't see me. I made up a story my light was too bright & uncomfortable for them. How often in the past have we told children to be quiet because we required silence? Or told them to stop playing with their imaginary friends? Or STOP crying? All of which are just children expressing themselves.  The message I received was  I am not suppose to be seen or heard. Sit or go play quietly by myself so the adults around me could be comfortable. I realize most of that could be a story I made up AND how much of it is true?  How much of it have I passed on to the children in my life. Up until about 2 years ago, I less than enjoyed being around children. Their light was too much for me & my human. My light was too much for me & my human. I am 31 now & in small increments over the last few years I've allowed my light to shine. As of today, I shine my light 100%. I take the basket off my light & I shine. I then stomp on the basket so I will keep it off! I allow you to see my genius & my beauty. I ask you to do it with me. Shine your light! And allow all the people in your life to shine their light too. We definitely have room on this planet for more light, especially through our children. Remember darkness cannot live where there is light. God is light!

"About Me"

This is my story I posted on my  "About Me" from my website. I am inspired to share it here on my blog. Please read this only in your purity, love, & faith...

On June 10, 2005, I was shot in the chest in a home invasion. I was staying with a friend at her apartment. A guy broke in through the patio door & held a shotgun to our heads to get us on the floor. My friend’s roommate, sister, mother, & niece were also in the apartment. He went back and forth from room to room trying to figure out what to do. When he was in the other room, we ran. My friend made it over the railing the first time. I didn’t. He pulled me back in by my hair, into the same room I came from. He left me there. I ran again. This time I made it over the railing. I had run about 10 feet when I heard the gun cock. I turned around. Thank God. Instead of going through my back & killing me, the bullet got me in the chest. It completely took off my left breast. I got up & ran through the parking lot…screaming. I had no idea I had been shot. He was coming after me. I ran a few buildings down & knocked on a door. The guy had heard me screaming, looked out, saw me bleeding, and opened his door to let me in. The man who shot me got away.



Afterwards, I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had anxiety (fear), nightmares, fear of public places, a sleeping disorder, fear of being alone in my house. Every night I had a routine of turning the porch lights on & off, and lights in the house on or off. I obsessed about knowing how an intruder chose the place he would break into. I went to doctors & counselors, got on meds…antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, anxiety pills. In addition to those, I was addicted to painkillers. I took about 35 pills a day. About a year after of all this, I crashed. Literally. I threw my car off the highway into a cement pillar. I went to jail for a DWI for having my valium in my car. I spent 3 days in jail, while I waited for my parents to come to Dallas from Lubbock to come get their baby girl. I do not recommend going through withdrawal in jail. I went back to Lubbock. First step was to get off all the freaking pills. My mom & sisters are firm believers in alternative therapy & they intervened. They introduced me to Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT. Through EFT, I learned how important talking about “my stuff” is & the value of having another person be completely present with me. I moved to Austin to be close to my EFT Practitioner. I mastered EFT. My EFT Practitioner introduced me to Conscious Language 101. Another friend & mentor gave me an intro to Robert Stevens work. By listening to my words & applying a few word changes, I shifted my life. I went to Bob’s core classes. Now, I have mastered all my tools Bob has taught me. I do Bio-Optic Holography™, Sacred Body Language Translations™, Outcome Facilitations™, & teach Language of Mastery™ classes.



This story is the reason why I do what I do. The worst thing that ever happened to me was also the best. In the past, I had no identity or what was happening when I was feeling other than enthusiastic. Now, I know there is a scale of emotions, and where I am on it. I am can translate what is up for me through body language, listening to my word patterns, & through reading eyes. I am present with what I am feeling, and I feel it. I feel, instead of try to figure things out with my head & suppressing it. Sometimes feeling is really easy, and sometimes really hard. Through attending Mastery System classes, I learned thoughts become things. I create my world with my thoughts, so I choose the good ones. I choose to give my brothers & sisters on my planet options to healthcare. My highest choice is to help you heal with ease & see your own perfection. I am dedicated to love, the only forward motion. I am here to heal my planet.

A Committed Listening

Hello World!

"What does it mean?" is how I started this blog out. After I wrote & re-read it, I realize it might serve me better to state versus question soooo...

What it means. I  am here to help my planet. I choose for it to be fun & easy. I have days I feel enthusiastic & motivated. I have days I require massive amounts of stimulants & decrees to stay present. I have realized how important prayer, decree, and listening to my heart are. I have always had my connection with God & I realize my partnership was only one way. I spoke to him, questioned him, and  asked for things. I didn't let him speak back, answer me, or receive what he offered. My relationship with Spirit was exactly like most my relationships had been: one-sided, confusing, meaningless, just existing. Blgh! Gross! In the past, I have been selfish based on fear I won't receive back. I realize I have to give up doubt. I realize I have to give up sorting on the outside. I realize I am secure in receiving. I receive my God's love. I hear my God speak. My God speaks to me through my heart. I trust my heart & I trust my God. I realize as long as I honor my heart I am honoring my life & my life is God. God has always spoken back, answered my questions, & granted my prayers. I was just moving on & blaming him so I couldn't hear. The illusion works over-time to survive. The illusion, fear, doubt, pain can only exist if I let it by denying my God. Our human is so convoluted. Yesterday I went into a tyraid while talking to my sister about money. I played the victim & went off about going back to waiting tables & it's the only thing I can do to get money fast. Again, GROSS! I stepped outside by body. This was the perfect time to ask for help from God. Hello McFly! It has been said everything in opposition to what you are choosing is going to come up. Oh this was fo' sho the opposition. I forgive myself for folding & allowing the perceived outside pressure to come into be being. My new choice is I am a committed listening to my God. With God, I can only have perfection. I receive my God's love. I receive my love. I receive my massive amount of money. I help my planet find their heart's voice.